you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
