You're completely useless in the revolution.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
