Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
