well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Randomize
