I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
