I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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