I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
