lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
