I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
