oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
