just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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