wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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