Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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