i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
