WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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