It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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