dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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