Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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