I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
