I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
