my mouth tastes like poor choices
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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