if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
