omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My ass is underappreciated
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
