she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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