everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
