my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
