i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
