Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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