Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
