exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
