she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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