oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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