Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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