His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
