Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
