Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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