I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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