they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
