Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
