I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Who died my cat blue again?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
