I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
