that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize