It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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