look no pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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