I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
