If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
