Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
