We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
