I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
