dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
