I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
